Not exactly 6:41

But 08:50, which is a huge improvement. Feel very sloppy and tired though, i think i need my daily fix of coffee before i could be any productive at all. I mean, it has almost passed 1hour since i woke up and the thing i have accomplished during this time has been so slow i could have done it in 10min.

Still, 8:50 is a huge improvement and i hope to get up earlier tomorrow.

Have to mention that i miss my girlfriend very much, we were talking on skype yesterday and she looked to stressed and robotic. I wish i could be there to hold her and help her feel more confident that she will pass everything.. Miss u babe!

"一年到头都在天还没亮的时候起床的人肯定能让家人过上好日子"

According to one Chinese proverb: "No one who can rise before dawn 360 days a year fails to make his family rich."

This will be a new kind of guide line for me, i will try to get up before dawn everyday as much as possible. This means that i have to get up before 6:41 tomorrow. If i manage, my starting post tomorrow will be before 6:41.

Don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't do something

I feel that i want to share my one powerful and true quote from the movie i watched yesterday.

"Don't ever let someone tell you, you can't do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you got to protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they want to tell you you can’t do it. You want something, go get it. Period"

Its from the movie The pursuit of happyness which Sveta chose for our movie club. This is the second movie we have in out movie club, and i am gonna update our movieclub blog later today or tomorrow in the morning. But in the future we are going to upload the movies we choose our self, which i will have to teach Sveta how to do.

Yesterday, me and P went to the gym and later to Carefour to bunk up with protein rich food. From this day on, i have to eat a minimum of 90grams of protein a day. Otherwise is doesn't really make sense to train for me. So my diet is going to consist of beef jerky, eggs, milk and beef. Its not gonna be cheap, counting on at least 30rmb a day and later even 40-50rmb a day (when i get my scholarship).

I haven't really done much studying these last days. From what i read in my studybook, i havent even manage to study over 20 hours this week. And to get and keep my scholarship i have to study 35hours a week. The University even advice you to study up to 40hours a week, which is insane!
What this means is that if i want my money from my government, ill have to change this habit of only studying 20hours a week to study 35h. So all in all, i need to go up at 07 every weekday and follow my schedule. I cannot afford not to do it much longer, even how hard it is for me to go up in the morning, which mostly is an affect of me not being able to sleep in the night. This night i tried to sleep at 00 but was still wide awake at 04, i just couldn't calm down my brain. So i poped a wine bottle and drank half of it, which help me fall asleep one hour later. 

Here are some words from my Chinese session today

Character	Chinese	Translation	Mem
蛋	Dan4	Bug	A bug in a fabric, like the yolk in a shell of an egg
反	fan3	To rebel	Imagine a hand (又 yòu) crushing a factory. This is when you start to rebell (反 fǎn)
艹	Cao3_r140	Grass	Two grass straws growing up from the earth (土 tu3). Half in the earth and half over the earth.
爫	Zhao3_r87	Small_hand	Picture of a small hand reaching down
采	Cai3	To pick	A 爫 hand reaching to pick fruit from a 木 tree
菜	Cao3_r140	Vegetable	On a grass 艹 height, you pick 采, vegetables 菜
饺	Jiao3	Dumpling	Food 饣, joined 交, to create a dumpling 饺. The character 交 means both join and exchange.
饺子	Jiao3zi	Dumplings	To illustrate many as in the dumplingS, you add a suffix zi (child 子). Since in the old china there were indeed many children.

Yesterday was a day of nothingness

I knew these days would come sooner or later, i just hope they will not occur more than once every 10th day. Im talking about not studying the a whole day and not even writing one blog post, as was the case yesterday.

So how will i minimize these occurrences? First of, no computer after 23! second never go up later than 10, no matter what.

In all this shame is there one thing i am prude of, and that is my nofap NYR, this is my 10th day clean so far and peeing in the mornings become more and more difficult. I like this :).

SÅ JÄVLA SKÖNT

Just finished another section of math. I have spent a total of 15 hours on math during three days, this is insane. I could have used this time on other studies and would have improved in skills that really matters.
     But i have to say that i both hate and love math. It can turn my mood upside down in a matter of minutes, but also me me feel self satisfaction like never before.
     I am finely ready to let go of math for this week and have to put my focus on Chinese, CSS and DCC. Whats more interesting is that i got the change continue my course in C#, i have just have to notify the teacher if i plan to do so.

Ohh, forgot to mention that i am nine days clean as of in 1 hour.  But i feel the urge to use is growing stronger by each day now. I was even close to break these last few day because of stress and anger cause by my math course, but the deal with my gf made me strong enough to not relapse (it saved me two days). I even got exposed to and old trigger but manage to handle situation in a good way.

One last thing. This sleeping things dosent really work because i dont have any curtains so i cannot get a good sleep at 13. I will have to try to get to sleep before 03 today and go up before 10, and work my way down instead of the other longer direction. I have to get a hold of this now if i want any improvements with my training.

Accepting the reality

Okej. I have decided to accept the reality that i will not be able to wake up at 7am this week. My plan to change this is rather radical. I will try to stay awake as long as possible and hopefully after three days i will have turned my sleeping schedule around so i wake up at 6am.

Like today i will go to sleep at 6am, and than sleep until 17, than next day i will go to bed at 9am and sleep till 20 and so on until i go to bed around 15 and sleep till 2. We will see how this will work in practice during the next days.

The most important thing though is that i am adoptable with my studies and don't let this turn of events affect me studying 6-8 hours a day.. Yesterday i spent 7 hours studying math, so frustrating. This math made in such a bad mood the whole day. I the kind of person who cannot let anything go when i am stuck, i can just not push it aside and go back to it later, this made me study math till 4am yesterday. What is even worse, i never solved the fucking problem. So ill have to do try to fix it today, hopefully my brain worked on it while i were sleeping. Maybe i even solved it in my dreams, we will see in a few minutes.